It’s tricky to set realistic but still challenging expectations for writing. My habit is to expect too much of myself, in much the same way as I do when creating a family budget. There is the wish and then there is the reality. Over time, I’ve been able to re-think that a little, in a couple of ways.
First, I ask the wish if it could transform into something a little more flexible and practical, maybe an aspiration. Then it dissolves a little around the edges and can be a more comfortable part of my day, week, month, year, essay, book or whatever. My wishes are sometimes a bit too fully formed and intractable. Remember the Greek myth of the birth of Athena, the goddess of wisdom, springing out of the head of her father Zeus as an armor-clad adult? Wishes can be like that…over-cherished and unrealistic.
Aspirations, on the other hand, can be blown around a little bit by the prevailing winds. A few months ago, I was commiserating with a family member about the relentless mental and emotional bombardment related to the COVID-19 pandemic. We agreed that it feels like the cognitive equivalent of a headwind. Some days it blows harder than others, but it’s always a factor in the equation of living one’s life. It is a known quantity, but variable.
I can apply that to my writing life as well. For example, for books and other lengthy projects, I first get to the point where I have enough known quantities to solve the equation. When I entered the year of finishing the manuscript and publishing my recent book, I worked backwards from what I thought was a realistic deadline. Then I laid in sub-deadlines for each component, then drilled those down to monthly and weekly goals. That way, I could adjust if necessary within each sub-set of the overall project.
At no time in the process did I find myself significantly ahead of any of the deadlines. That proved to me that my issue is usually with over-estimating myself. It also proved that the less experience I have with an upcoming writing job, the more leeway I should allow for the contingencies of life. Then it’s much easier to adjust on the fly.
So…expecting too much. How do I stop doing that? Let’s go back to the idea of flexibility. More unknowns, more flexibility. More knowns, more confidence and less fear. There’s a certain self-sabotage that goes hand-in-hand with that excessive expectation. Why waste time going too fast and then having to spend time healing from the exhaustion?
The solution is right in front of me, as is so often the case. By keeping a gentle focus on my limitations, and allowing the aspirations to fill my sails, I can move forward with less fear, less discouragement and less self-sabotage.
