How early do people start planning for the winter holidays? For some, it’s a multi-year process, if they’re artisans, retailers or creators of homemade gifts. My planning window is variable, but I always feel that little “I’m not ready” jolt when I get my first glimpse of red and green around Labor Day, usually in Home Depot or Target. In Colorado, after all, September is still summer. Hiking season is at its height, the tomatoes are ripening and the leaves are green, at least at lower altitudes.
In August or September of this strangest of years, a few random thoughts drifted into my head about the 2020 holiday season. My mind seesawed from thoughts of dread at what the COVID pandemic might bring, to thoughts of relief that I could bail out of the usual holiday ultra-busyness.
I’m OK to do things differently (or not at all) this year—for COVID reasons and for other reasons. Since my father’s death in March, I’ve been in unfamiliar territory as a newly minted ex-caregiver. It feels strange not to have to figure stuff out, make plans, manage a rolling task list, anticipate and negotiate rapid and chaotic change, and generally live in a “what if” world. Beyond all that, it was my privilege to be in the present with love and patience as the second of my two parents “walked on to the spirit world.”
What do I do with that hole in my life? Well, sometimes I just hang out and look at stuff.
Today, I opened day eleven on a delightful little December 2020 Advent calendar. Its visual theme is Christmas books from the Bodleian Library, the main research library of the University of Oxford, and one of the oldest libraries in Europe. I am especially enjoying this theme, as it brings me nearer to one of the two things I miss most in the pandemic: hugs and libraries.
Out of the dozens of colorful Christmas books pictured on the calendar, one that jumped out at me was A Forgotten Christmas. According to the Bodleian Library website, it was published in 1898 and its author is Mrs. F. C. Beames. It doesn’t seem to be available for purchase, so I assume it’s out of print. But it connects me with this current year, 2020…which it seems that a lot of people would like to forget.
Nonetheless, the year rolls on and Christmas is drawing nigh. There are several coping strategies being deployed by my friends and family. The two most popular are “make the best of it” and “next year will be big.”
Both of these make sense to me. I’m also enjoying the opportunity to see the season as a blank slate—not trying to change traditions, but acting as if they aren’t there. Forgotten, for the moment, like the aforementioned A Forgotten Christmas. That takes some of the sting out of this time when I find myself isolated from family and friends, and feel like a lonely orphan to boot. That’s sad, but there’s a side benefit…no rules! No expectations!
There’s freedom in that. Freedom in forgetting. There is a famous quote by Ramana Maharshi, the renowned Indian Hindu sage and jivanmukta: “There will come a time when one will have to forget all that one has learned.” Maybe I can (and should) take a page out of that book—for this year and for future Christmases. I am a writer, after all, so bring on those blank pages!
